AVP: Requiem For A Franchise

We have no cure for cancer, AIDS, or the common cold, yet, The Brothers Strause were able to procure a handsome budget for themselves to put together this milestone. Something is off kilter.

I have seen four movies, in the theater, this break. Before the Devil Knows You're Dead, I'm Not There, Juno and (the cherry on top) Alien V. Predator: Requiem. Of the four, Juno is the only tolerable one although, as a good friend pointed out, it is painfully self-aware. Maybe you view this as a good thing, I'm not sure. Either way, I found it an amusing observation since self-reflection is the hallmark of so many things which are labeled "indie" these days.

Anyway, back to AVP. I can appreciate a film that strives for story over plot more than anyone that I know personally. However, this film scarcely followed a sequence at all. It plays out very much like a first-person-shooter video game, except not as well directed. There are vague details that get you loosely from scene A to scene B but the real point was the gore. Which was also not compelling.

It was shot almost entirely at night which I think the young directors may have tried to pass off as a visual tensor that could add suspense. However, this was the only card they were holding. Beyond the fact that you couldn't see what was coming next (at least with your eyes) there was nothing to make this movie frightening.

There was also an attempt at social commentary which, when it is used well, can be a powerful tool. No such luck with these guys. There was one line that sort of rings in the ears long after it is said as you try to sort through the bad acting commingled with personal opinion and the internal witch hunt for what the writer was possibly thinking when he wrote it. The line is, "But the government doesn't lie to people". It is said with naive certainty by a woman who later dies when the United States Air Force drops a NUCLEAR BOMB on her town for the purposes of "containment". I suppose the writer just picked a place he had never heard of when he was thinking of a secluded location. But I have been to Gunnison, Colorado. Four times. They have a UNIVERSITY there. A stellar choice by the same man who brought you the screenplay for the remake of Shaft. His name is Shane Salerno. He is the Anti-Kaufman.

Excessive pretension aside, I was entertained. I went with my dad and brother-in-law and we laughed about it all the way home. I predict we will laugh about it for a good long time. So it didn't go to The Red Cross but was our money really entirely wasted? Maybe not. And that will have to be good enough, because we can't unsee that horrid film.

You're the best.

If you are interested in my assessment of any of the other movies, just ask.
Also, I have a bad looking new haircut due to a reckless barber(ian) and I have put on an obnoxious amount of weight in this town in an attempt to stave off boredom. Cheers team.