Monday(ne)

Today has been uniquely uneventful for me, which is really a pity. It seems that if I can transfer momentum from day to day that I do quite alright, but today was not that day. I have run a few errands, plead for more money, attached a hose to a swamp cooler and watched "The Blackboard Jungle". By the way, watching movies that blew the lid off an issue back in the day are laughable and tedious now. I recommend it if you are in the market to get a sense of our frightening advancement as a society.

It seems that my current favorite artist, Conor Oberst, has nailed it again for me (I know. A blog with bright eyes in it should be cause for you to punch through your screen and tell me to lose the 'tude. C'est La Vie.) The line that has kept making its way out of my mouth since bedtime ended is:
A good woman will pick you apart.
A box full of suggestions, for your possible heart.
But you may be offended, and you may be afraid,
But don't walk away, don't walk away.

Can't help but let that one play on loop upstairs. My current love interest is unable to get involved with me because of some decisions I've made in the past but, as always, she'd like to remain close. Insecure as I am, I obviously said that I wanted that too and am paying the price for agreeing to those terms. I remember years ago writing that a girl was doing this same thing and that the relationship was always close enough to sense but never close enough to be realized. Patterns are tricky things to unravel. A sincere laugh and a glance that lasts more than a few seconds is pretty much cause for me to impersonate Pavlov's dogs. One day, so I'm told, I'll meet "the one". I could do without her for the time being though. Almost any "one" would do just fine.

Thankfully no one reads this yet. I am met with the constant realization that I sound like a horrible pompous moron. Someone who knows me, please tell me, is this how I really sound? If it is, I sincerely apologize. It's still a little uncomfortable for me to say things to essentially no one. Its not like a conversation so you, my faithful reader, get the full brunt of my neurosis. Every whit. And I appreciate it.

You're the best.

Let Us Begin

I had an entire first entry written about progress, the significance of age and insecurity. But it made me hate myself so I took it down. The easiest way to sum it up is like this:

I'm 22.
I am a committed church-goer.
I play music and watch movies.
I can't stand rejection but I subject myself to it in many forms.
I live on a sinking ship. So do you.
I love and hate myself for something.
I love you and hate you for something.
I hate that Spell Check exists to permit words like blog but not faux.

It was really quite standard. I just wanted to get the ball rolling.
The reason I got rid of it was because my deepest thoughts and biggest words somehow made me sound even more stupid. And I didn't think you would comment on it.

Thanks for reading. You're the best.